Delicious, Delicious, Calories

Delicious, Delicious Calories

Pop tarts are thought of as the perfect breakfast for thousands of children across America. It's one of the few things that they can actually cook (by sliding it into a toaster and pushing a button). The blurb on the side of the package with they tiny asterisk next to it reads it's "baked with real fruit!" means that it must be healthy. Not to mention it tastes like heaven and is packed with sugary goodness! Yes, pop tarts are certainly the perfect breakfast.

The pop tarts themselves are a comprised of a wonderful, soft, breaded crust, that is so fluffy to the touch you feel like you're about to devour a friendly cloud. On the top of the pop tart is certainly the icing on the cake, quite literally. Topped with a beautifully crafted frosting with sprinkles, the pop tart seems to gleam from afar. It acts as a sort of calling for the hungry patron. Once the glimmering frosting catches your eye, you will be sucking the unnecessary sustenance from the delicious delectable. As if this wasn't enough, it is the core of the pop tart that will suck you in and keep you coming back for more. The center of the pop tart is comprised of a red goo that flows with the smoothness of the rivers of celestial heavens. The second it touches one's tongue they instantly feel a certain euphoria. They feel their soul becoming enlightened to the height of material ecstasy. Eating a pop-tart is more then just a breakfast, it's a human experience.

This is what they children of America feel every single time their parents are too lazy to forge a proper breakfast. Benevolence. Satisfaction. An extra pound or two. Thank you, parents of America, for your benign infatuation with calories in place of food.